‘Why Must I Put My Head On A Chopper?’

‘Once
in
a
while,
I
flirt
with
the
idea
of
direction.’
‘If
I
direct,
it
will
be
a
human
story
that
touches
me.’
‘I’m
nervous
of
forcing
myself
into
making
a
socially
relevant
film.’

Shabana
Azmi
remains
modest
and
refreshing
even
at
74.

The
hugely
talented
actor,
who
has
so
many
awards
under
her
belt,
attributes
her
achievements
to
being
at
the
right
place
at
the
right
time.

Acting
is,
of
course,
her
passion.

On
her
birthday
on
September
18,
the
acting
legend
tells

Subhash
K
Jha,
“What
I’ve
done
so
far
as
an
actor
is
like
a
writer
learning
the
alphabet…
What’s
thrilling
is
that
the
thrill
of
acting
has
still
not
gone.
I
feel
the
same
butterflies
in
the
stomach
when
I
have
to
inhabit
a
character’s
life.”

74,
and
still
India’s
finest
actress?

Please,

itni
taarif
ki
koi
zaroorat
nahin.

I
don’t
want
to
get
my
head
swollen
at
this
stage
of
life.

It
is
very
important
to
be
level-headed
about
one’s
achievements,
and
not
get
carried
away.

Do
you
see
yourself
as
an
achiever?

I
see
myself
as
an
actor
who
has
been
lucky
enough
to
be
at
the
right
place
at
the
right
time.

I’ve
heard
that
one
before.

But
it’s
true.
I’ve
been
singularly
lucky.

What
I’ve
done
so
far
as
an
actor
is
like
a
writer
learning
the
alphabet.

I
think
I’ve
just
achieved
the
minimum
required
of
an
actor.

What’s
thrilling
is
that
the
thrill
of
acting
has
still
not
gone.
I
feel
the
same
butterflies
in
the
stomach
when
I
have
to
inhabit
a
character’s
life.

I
see
myself
peeping
through
this
window
and
wondering,
‘Shall
I
enter?’

Then
I
see
myself
half-opening
a
door
and
telling
myself,
‘No,
not
yet.

That
process
of
getting
into
character
hasn’t
ceased
to
excite
me.

You
sound
so
charged
even
now.

Acting
is
a
rewarding
profession.
It
allows
you
to
inhabit
other
people’s
lives.

Imagine
how
much
it
adds
to
your
experiences.

When
for

Ankur,
the
20-year
old
Shabana
Azmi
walked
into
a
village
in
Andhra
Pradesh
she
had
never
seen,
to
play
Laxmi,
she
came
back
with
Laxmi’s
life
in
addition
to
her
own
life.

You
are
lucky
to
get
roles
that
do
justice
to
your
talent.

But
film-making
is
such
a
collaborative
business.

A
writer
writes
it
and
a
director
develops
the
vision
and
takes
on
a
team
he
wants.

Actors
get
credit
above
the
rest
because
theirs
is
the
most
visible
work.

In
their
hearts,
all
actors
know
that
others
are
covering
up
their
weakness
and
highlighting
their
strengths.

Imagine
if
I
give
my
best
shot
and
the
cameraman
lights
it
up
badly
or
the
editor
cuts
it
out!

Whereas
in
theatre,
an
actor
is
on
his
own,
no
matter
how
much
they
are
propped
by
the
director
and
others.

No
one
can
save
you
when
you
are
on
stage.

In
that
sense,
theatre
is
more
an
actor’s
medium.
If
you
have
good
actors
as
co-stars,
50
percent
of
your
work
is
done.
Because
you’re
looking
into
the
eyes
of
someone
who
is
telling
you
the
truth.

I’m
constantly
grateful
for
the
hundreds
of
people
on
the
set
who
help
me
to
do
my
best
work
possible.

When
are
you
directing
a
film?

It’s
so
easy
being
an
actor,
why
should
I
put
my
head
on
the
chopper?

Mahesh
Bhatt
had
once
told
me,
direction
is
about
having
a
dream
and
then
watching
it
crumble.

Why
should
I
watch
my
dream
crumble?

Once
in
a
while,
I
flirt
with
the
idea
of
direction.
I
have
to
find
a
story
I
want
to
direct.
And
I
don’t
want
the
burden
of
(in
a
mock
baritone)

this
must
be
a
socially
responsible
film.

That
burden
I
can’t
bear.

If
I
direct,
it
will
be
a
human
story
that
touches
me.
I’m
nervous
of
forcing
myself
into
making
a
socially
relevant
film.

Will
you
cast
yourself?

Impossible!

Whom
would
you
cast?

Someone
like
Kareena
Kapoor
or
Alia
Bhatt.

Kareena
is
a
very
special
girl.
In
J
P
Dutta’s

LOC,
I
fell
in
love
with
a
shot
of
hers.
She
stunned
me.

You
look
radiant
even
at
74.
Why
do
older
women
go
for
cosmetic
makeovers
instead
of
aging
gracefully?

It’s
an
individual
choice.

If
there
are
women
who
can
afford
it
and
they
feel
good
about
it,
why
not?

There
are
no
rigid
rules
about
life.
In
the
film
industry,
such
makeovers
are
justifiable
because
it’s
all
about
the
way
you
look.

You’ve
achieved
way
beyond
our
expectations.
What
about
yours?

I
never
planned
anything.
Besides,
achievement
is
a
very
subjective
concept.

I’ve
done
whatever
I’ve
been
compelled
to
do,
and
I’ve
done
it
to
the
best
of
my
abilities.

If
I’ve
been
recognised
or
honoured
for
what
I’ve
done,
those
are
bonuses.

Naseeruddin
Shah
told
me
that
you
believe
actors
work
consciously
towards
getting
awards.

Naseer
feels
actors
shouldn’t
be
conscious
of
the
fact
they
may
win
an
award.

But
actors,
at
the
end
of
it
all,
are
actors.

How
can
they
be
completely
impervious
of
the
end
result
of
their
performances?

Did
awards
become
addictive
for
you?

Not
at
all.
The
awards
happened
because
those
films
happened
to
me
at
the
right
time.

Those
films
were
served
to
me
on
a
platter
and
I’m
grateful
for
them.

In
the
last
10
years,
I
find
myself
more
and
more
at
the
right
place
at
the
right
time.
The
parts
that
have
come
my
way
recently
were
unimaginable
earlier
for
an
actress
my
age.

Did
anyone
think
10
years
ago
that
actresses
in
our
films
would
get
such
roles?

Ten
years
ago,
it
was
pack
up
for
heroines
at
30.
All
you
could
do
was
hold
a

thali
in
a
white
sari.

Today,
I
can
play
my
age.

I
abhor
the
thought
of
playing
a
younger
woman.

The
camera
doesn’t
lie.
Any
attempt
not
to
look
your
age
is
pathetic
on
screen.

We
don’t
have
proper
facilities
to
look
older
either.

Thank
God,
we’re
playing
our
age.
Whether
it’s
Amitabh
Bachchan
or
any
of
us,
we
are
not
made
to
play
younger
people.

Look
at
poor
Nirupa
Roy.
She
got
substantial
roles
but
at
the
age
of
30,
they
made
her
put
grey
in
her
hair.

Achala
Sachdev
was
all
of
16
when
she
played
60!

She
quit
because
she
got
nightmares
about
dropping
a

thali
and
screaming,
‘Nahin!!’

Do
you
miss
not
being
a
mother?

Not
really.
There
was
a
point
in
my
life
when
I
was
deeply
shocked
that
I
couldn’t
be
a
mother
because
I
took
it
for
granted
that
everything
normal
would
happen
to
me.

But
that
period
quickly
vanished.

I
must
thank
Honey
(Javed
Akhtar’s
first
wife)
for
being
so
gracious
and
sharing
her
children
with
me.

Farhan
and
Zoya
are
my
children.
I
feel
very
proud
of
them.

On
the
other
hand,
I
feel
it’s
wrong
for
women
to
be
made
to
feel
incomplete
just
because
they
are
not
mothers.

Just
like
my
character
in
Deepa
Mehta’s

Fire.

Because
I
was
involved
in
so
many
other
areas
of
life
and
so
many
productive
activities,
I
wasn’t
judged
for
not
being
a
mother.
There
was
no
pressure
on
me
for
not
having
children.

But
I’m
sure
it
would
have
been
wonderful
to
have
children.

And
yes,
I’ve
never
had
time
for
any
regrets.

No
regrets
at
all?

Only
one.
Please
Subhash,

mujhe
khana
pakana
sikha
do.
If
I
knew
how
to
cook,

hum
honge
kamyaab.