‘I Welcome Pain. It Helps Me Grow’

‘I
don’t
know
of
any
happy
moment
in
my
life
which
has
helped
me
to
grow,
whereas
pain
has
always
been
a
means
to
evolve.’

Rekha
remains
an
enigma
even
today.

Her
past
interviews
remain
relevant,
as
they
reveal
her
deeper
layers.

In
this
earlier
interview
with

Subhash
K
Jha,
Rekha
says,
“I
never
thought
I’d
be
home
alone,
with
all
my
sisters
married
and
gone.
I
never
thought
I’d
not
have
my
own
family,
my
own
children.”

Why
do
you
think
of
yourself
as
a
loner?

It’s
a
word.

It
means
I
spend
most
my
time
on
my
own.
Going
by
my
nature,
it’s
the
most
comfortable
situation
to
be
in.

Think
of
all
the
time
I
get
to
reason
out
things,
not
analyze
situations,
that’s
such
a
waste
of
time.

I
never
thought
I’d
be
home
alone,
with
all
my
sisters
married
and
gone.

I
never
thought
I’d
not
have
my
own
family,
my
own
children.

Do
you
miss
having
children?

Not
any
more.
Even
if
I
find
the
ultimate
man
to
have
babies
with,
it
would
be
very
unfair
to
my
priorities.

I
can’t
be
there
for
just
one
human
being
in
the
world.
Because
if
I
have
a
baby,
I
won’t
be
able
to
focus
on
anything
else.

Then
what
happens
to
the
babies
all
over
the
world
with
whom
I’m
connected?

If
you
have
the
power
to
be
Rekha,
then
you
better
be
prepared
to
reach
out
to
anyone
who
wants
to
reach
out
to
you.

What
about
a
man?

If
I
had
a
man,
I’d
be
devoting
all
my
attention
to
that
one
person.

I’m
an
extremely
uni-focus
person.

Main
unka
bed

bhi
banaoongi.

I’ll
take
out
his
clothes,
personally
monitor
his
menu,
prepare
the

dabba
and
personally
deliver
it
to
him.

I
don’t
think
I
am
capable
of
enjoying
the
best
of
both
worlds.

I
can’t
deprive
the
other
world
of
fans
and
admirers
just
for
that
narrow
world
of
a
family.

Maybe
I’m
being
unreal
and
impractical.
But
I’m
not
in
denial.

If
I
find
someone
who’s
willing
to
share
me
with
my
fans,
I
might
change
my
mind.

Aging,
illness,
loss
of
beauty.
Have
these
topics
begun
to
bother
you?

If
I
let
these
thoughts
affect
me,
I
wouldn’t
be
able
to
be
creative.

I’m
petrified
of
falling
ill
and
going
to
the
hospital.

Because
when
you’re
lying
there
helplessly
in
bed,
you
have
no
control
over
what
decisions
are
taken
about
your
body.

Disasters
are
a
part
and
parcel
of
life.
I
cannot
avoid
them.

But
when
a
catastrophe
happens,
I’d
like
to
see
it
as
a
signal
to
go
into
another
phase
of
my
life.

So
in
a
silly,
masochistic
way,
I
welcome
pain.
It
helps
me
grow.

So
pain
is
a
good
way
to
grow?

It’s
the
only
way
I
know.
I
don’t
know
of
any
happy
moment
in
my
life
which
has
helped
me
to
grow,
whereas
pain
has
always
been
a
means
to
evolve.

I
don’t
consider
happiness
a
solid
emotion.

Pain,
to
me,
is
the
norm.

Happiness
is
momentary.

That
doesn’t
mean
I’m
not
appreciative
of
the
blessings
that
have
been
bestowed
on
me.

And
it
isn’t
as
if
I
choose
to
embrace
pain.
It
just
finds
its
way
into
my
system
from
various
sources.

As
an
actor,
I’m
constantly
in
pain,
dancing
on
hot
tar
roads,
singing
in
a
chiffon
sari
on
the
snow,
getting
drenched
in
dirty
rain
water.

Of
course,
my
mother
was
an
actress,
and
she
knew
what
I
was
getting
into.

I
knew
if
I
have
to
fall
off
a
horse,
I
just
have
to
get
up
and
give
my
shot.

In
fact,
you
have
fallen
off
a
horse
during
K
C
Bokadia’s
film

Phool
Bane
Angaaray
in
1991.

That
was
only
one
of
the
accidents.

What
about
the
umpteen
number
of
times
I’ve
been
electrocuted
in
a
rain
sequence?

It
has
happened
during
so
many
films,
including

Judaai.

I
can
write
a
book
on
Rekha
&
The
Disaster
Zone.

So
are
you
disaster-prone?

No.
I’m
celebration-prone.
There’s
nothing
in
my
life
that
I
don’t
celebrate.

Don’t
you
crave
to
do
normal
things?

My
life
is
so
much
more
fun
than
doing
normal
things.

My
definition
of
fun
is
very
different.

I
don’t
think
anyone
else
can
share
my
idea
of
fun.
I
stopped
celebrating
my
birthday
with
a
cake
in
1974.

Even
before
that,
I
used
to
hate
it.

As
a
kid,
I
hated
birthday
parties.
I’m
not
too
comfortable
in
crowds.

And
yet,
you’re
watched
all
the
time!

I’m
blessed
to
have
so
much
attention
in
one
lifetime.
People
feel
I’m
this
spontaneous

bindaas
girl
with
an
opinion
on
so
many
topics.

Maybe
I
become
giggly
in
public
to
cover
my
shyness.

I’m
very
comfortable
with
nature.
But
when
it
comes
to
the
human
jungle,
I
feel
raw
and
vulnerable.

I
believe
you’ve
always
done
your
own
makeup.

Always.
Not
even
Mickey
Contractor,
whom
I
adore,
has
done
my
makeup.

Pataa
nahin
unkey
haath
kaapne
lagte
hain.

I
really
wish
someone
would
come
forward
and
take
over
the
responsibility
for
my
clothes,
makeup
and
styling.

I
envy
stars
who
have
people
to
do
everything,
from
hair
to
dialogues.

Yahan
to
khud
hi
dialogue

likhna
padta
hai,
angles

sochna
padta
hai.

Nowadays,
I
get
films
where
I
have
to
think
about
the
sets,
co-stars,
etc.

Do
you
like
the
trend
of
re-makes?

Why
not?
It’s
an
intriguing
phase.

But
if
someone
comes
to
me
and
says
he
wants
to
re-make

Pakeezaah
with
me,
I’d
say,
‘Hello?’

Why?

Because
Meena
Kumari
was
21
when
she
started

Pakeezaah.
I’m
51.

Are
you
really
51?

You
don’t
believe
it?

I’d
like
to
believe
I’m
28.

Seriously,
age
is
not
about
years.
It’s
about
what
you’ve
done
with
that
time.

Dene
wale
ne
shayad
thoda
zyada
hi
de
diya
mujhe.