‘There Are Days When I Feel Defeated’

‘I
talk
to
college
friends
who
are
not
in
the
creative
industry.
They
are
running
start-ups
and
companies.’
‘They’re
going
through
similar
things.
There
is
a
lot
of
competition
and
stress
for
people.’

For
someone
who
had
no
decisive
plan,

Amol
Parashar‘s
Bollywood
journey
panned
out
just
about
right
and
he
continues
to
build
his
unique
appeal
as
an
actor.

“I
had
an
IIT
degree,
a
stable
job
in
an
MNC,
started
off
with
a
decent
package.
Then
for
me
to
take
that
leap
sounded
risky,
or
even
foolish,”
Amol
tells

Mayur
Sanap/Rediff.

But
he
took
the
plunge
anyway,
and


entertained
us
recently
with
this
show.

When
you
decided
to
leave
your
well-paying
job
in
an
MNC
and
take
up
acting.
Was
it
a
practical
or
emotional
decision?

It
was
not
practical
at
all.

I
had
no
plan,
no
vision,
no
goals.

I
knew
there
was
no
practicality
involved
in
my
decision.

The
only
thing
that
drove
me
was
the
need
to
act.

I
used
to
do
theatre
in
college.
When
I
started
working,
I
started
missing
that
part
of
my
life.

I
thought
maybe
I’ll
do
it
part-time.

Then
I
thought
as
I
grow
older,
I
would
be
more
and
more
comfortable
with
the
job
and
the
salary,
and
it
would
get
more
and
more
difficult.
So
if
I
have
to
take
a
year
or
two
off
later,
I’d
rather
just
do
it
right
now.

If
it
didn’t
work
out,
I
would
try
something
else.

I
didn’t
know
whom
to
reach
out
to,
nothing.
I
had
no
idea.

I
felt
that
when
I
meet
people,
they
would
know
somebody.

But
when
I
came
here,
except
for
my
IT
friends
who
were
working
here,
there
were
zero
people
in
this
field
of
work
(that
I
knew).

How
did
your
parents
react
to
your
decision?

I
think
they
were
worried
for
a
while.

I
had
an
IIT
degree,
a
stable
job
in
an
MNC,
started
off
with
a
decent
package.

Then
for
me
to
take
that
leap
sounded
risky,
or
even
foolish.

They
didn’t
use
these
words
but
I’m
sure
they
felt
them.
And
I
had
no
answers.

So
it
was
not
even
like
I
could
explain
what
my
plan
was.

I
understood
the
stress
they
must
have
gone
through
but
in
spite
of
that,
they
never
strongly
objected
or
tried
to
stop
me
from
doing
what
I
wanted
to
do.

What’s
the
ultimate
joy
for
you
about
acting?

It’s
a
very
internal
thing
for
me,
and
very
difficult
to
explain.

There
are
moments
on
stage,
on
set,
where
you’re
not
you
anymore.
You
are
somebody
else
in
that
scene
and
your
sense
of
self
is
detached.

It’s
like
monks
who
meditate.

I
remember
this
word
‘meditation’
(as
an
analogy
for
acting)
came
to
me
from
one
of
my
first
theatre
directors
in
Bombay,
Jaimini
Pathak.
He
is
an
actor;
you
might
have
seen
him
in
shows
like

Scam
1992
and

Scoop.

I
have
done
a
lot
of
plays
with
him,
we
had
become
great
friends.

One
day
while
chatting,
he
simply
asked,
‘Kya
hum
sadhu
hain?
(are
we
monks?)’

I
asked
what
he
meant.

He
said
because
we
transcend.

It’s
true,
because
to
act
is
to
transcend.

It
is
not
something
you
can
plan,
it
is
definitely
not
something
you
can
decide
for
a
scene.
You
cannot
pursue
it.
It
happens
when
it
happens.

That
whole
process
feels
like
meditation.

Does
your
personal
life
take
a
toll
because
of
your
professional
life?

There
are
days
when
I
feel
defeated,
or
disappointed
or
bogged
down.

But
these
are
temporary
things.

The
only
difference
I
have
realised
is
in
your
attitude
towards
your
life
situation.

I
talk
to
my
college
friends
who
are
not
in
the
creative
industry.
They
are
running
start-ups
and
companies,
some
of
them
are
managers
and
seniors.

They’re
going
through
similar
things.
There
is
a
lot
of
competition
and
stress
for
people.

While
many
actors
would
publicise
their
relationships,
you
chose
to
remain
private
about
your
personal
life.
Why
do
you
think
that’s
important?

Since
I
came
to
Bombay,
I
always
wanted
to
be
able
to
talk
about
my
work.

That’s
why
I
never
told
people
about
my
IIT
background.

I
never
brought
it
up.
I
still
don’t.

The
idea
was
that,
that’s
a
different
part
of
my
life.
I
want
people
to
talk
about
my
work.

It’s
not
as
strict
now
because
that’s
not
how
it
works.

You’re
at
a
stage
where
people
want
to
know
about
your
life.
I’m
like,
okay,
let
them
find
out.

But
I
choose
what
I
put
out
on
my
Instagram
or
share
in
public.

You
were
seen
with
your
rumoured
partner
Konkona
Sen
Sharma
at
the
screening
of

Gram
Chikitsalay.
Are
you
looking
to
make
things
official?

I
hosted
that
screening
and
called
many
people
who
are
close
to
me.

I
was
seen
with
like
20
people,
I
got
pictures
with
everyone.
But
that’s
the
picture
that
got
printed
and
that’s
the
picture
you
saw.

That’s
why
people
are
writing
about
it.

This
news
has
been
going
around
for
a
while
but
there
is
a
reason

jo
baat
nahi
kiya
woh
nahi
kiya.

They’re
doing
their
job
and
we
are
living
our
lives.